The Life Of Your Average NutJob Ninja
by Sophia Rose Uchiha
Summary: Sophia is your average ninja trying to fit in with the ninja world. Unfortunately coffee everyday makes her crazy and unpredictable. She finally decides to stop drinking coffee so she can train so that her and her brother Sasuke can kill Itachi. Funny ff!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER:

Me: I do not own Naruto….yet. -sly look-

Naruto: 00 Oh no…not that plan you were thinking of yesterday!

Me: You mean the plan where I tie Masashi Kishimoto to a metal foldy chair and brain wash him into telling me his plan for the rest of the Naruto Series? ME? Never. Scoffs Nervously

Naruto: no, I mean the other -coughs the word 'evil'- plan of your diabolical brain. Points at Kakashi Sensei

Kakashi: OH GOD! NOT THAT PLAN!!

Me: -takes out my chainsaw and butcher's knife- time to take off the mask kakashi! Or else you have to get a visit from doctor Gubba and Bubba! MWAHAHAHA!!

Sasuke:………Gubba and Bubba? --'

Me: AKA, my chainsaw and butcher's knife.

Meanwhile, Kakashi is in the background yelling "NOOO!"

Me: Ahh, well, here's the story

* * *

"SOPHIA ROSE UCHIHA!! PUT THAT CHAINSAW DOWN NOW!!" Iruka sensei yelled as he chased me down the street heading North in Konohagakure.

"NO!" I yelled. "NOT UNTILL I KILL ORICHIMIRI!"

"IT'S OROCHIMARU! AND WHY WOULD HE BE IN KONOHA!?" I suddenly stopped short in the street and he caught up with me. I thought about it for a minute. "Hmmm, I guess you are right…" I took my chainsaw, shut it off, flipped it over, and pressed the 'self destruct' button I had installed. I then threw it at some houses that the owners where away from the explosion's range. It completely destroyed the three houses, but it was nothing a few months of building could not fix up.

"WHY DID YOU PRESS A SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON!?" I could tell he was extremely angry. I could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

"Because I like explosions, duh." I answered plainly and non- chelauntly.

"Sophia, did you take you meds today?" he asked as if I was a mentally challenged person who just took a chunk out of someone's lawn.

"I don't need meds!" I yelled as I threw a pie in his face.

"WHERE DID YOU GET A PIE!?" I tried not to laugh as I said, "Naruto" and pointed at Naruto, who was innocently eating a bowl of ramen at Ichiraku's Ramen Shop.

In the background I could hear him yelling at Naruto. I took this chance to leave while I was still in one piece, although I would have to face Iruka Sensei at one point. I ran from Ichiraku's all the way to the south end of Konoha, where my apartment was. I lived alone after the death of my parents by the Nine Tailed Demon Fox. It 

was now sealed inside Naruto, the annoying pain in my butt, who was surprisingly exactly like me, except my mind is WAY more diabolical.

On my way home, I ran into Sasuke, who I hate with a passion. "Ok bubba, come on out." I said to myself. I took out my Butcher's knife and chased after Sasuke until I got home. The whole time he was yelling 'This is SO against my ego!'

I got home, turned on the TV and sat down. Before I knew it, I was out cold asleep.

THE NEXT MORNING

I awoke to the sun in my face. I turned off the TV and sat up. I got dressed sleepily, seeing as it always takes me a very long time to get dressed. After I was dressed, I had about seven cups of coffee and then busted out the door, not even bothering to shut the door behind me. On my way to the academy, I was way too hyper to notice anyone following me. I was already pinned to the ground, face down, when I realized it was Sasuke.

"What do you want Uchiha? If it's explosives, they're mine, no one gets them!"

"I don't want explosives, I want your mind."

…

"WHAT" I screeched.

"I need your help." By now we were sitting in the middle of the street facing each other. "I need help with a plan in getting revenge on our brother."

I pondered this for a moment.

"Sorry loser. But my Mind is WAY too diabolical and pownful for you." In was shaking so bad from the coffee that it looked like I was jumping while sitting down. "Ummm…" he finally noticed that I was shaking really badly. "It's fne, I just had about seven cubs of double caffeinated coffee." I said really fast. "Oh yeah, and with extra sugar too." He didn't say or do anything but get up and leave.

I got to the academy extra fast because of the extra sugar. Bless it's beautiful sweetness. I took the last seat in the back, middle row when I entered the classroom. It was the day of the final exams. I was able to make eight copies thanks to being so hyper and full of energy. I went home and did nothing all day.

THE FOLLOWING DAY

The following day we were placed into teams. I was placed into a squad with two kids who I had never seen there before. They were from a class that was held another time of the day. One's name is Damion, the other boy;s name is Kantaru.

Damion has brownish-black hair that goes down to his eye brows, and gets a bit longer as it goes towards the back of his head. He wore a black hoodie which covered almost his whole head except his eyes and down. He carries a long katana on his back and wears black shorts. I am shorter than him by a few inches, I go up to his chin. I am always shorter than everyone else.

Kantaru, on the other hand, is blond. He carries shurican and kunai along with some senbon. The usual stuff. He wears a White t-shirt with Black shorts a bit longer than Damion's. His blond hair was a little shorter than damion's hair.

They both kept to themselves as we waited for our sensei. He was the Second to last to show up, lazy bum. He has black hair and wore the Jonin outfit. We all sat down in the park. Sensei faced us.

I want you to tell us all the details of your life. There are to be no secrets. Secrets are what ruins teammate relationships. I'll start.

"My name is Kaiga. I am 22.I lived with my aunt from age three to 15 when my parents died. My aunt died 7 years ago. I have no family left. I have a ninja dog as a companion. Ok, now you go" he pointed at Damion.

My name is Damion. I am 14. My parents live in Sunagakure. My favorite music genre is rock. I like using my katana as a weapon. I have no animal ninja companion. Ok, you next." He pointed at me.

"My name Is Sophia. I am 14. My parents died when the demon fox attacked the village. I have lived on my own since then. My animal ninja companion is a large black female horse named Naomi. She wanders freely, but comes when I call her. She is the only friend I have. I use a bow and arrow and I love all kinds of music. I have a tendency of being a nut-job and using explosives. Just ask Iruka Sensei. And, Oh Yeah! I have seven cups of Double Caffinated coffee with extra sugar. I am also beginning to wonder why someone from suna graduated from the konoha academy." I was so hyper that it came out to fast and sounded like I said 'and I am also beginning to wonder why I have pimples from suna on my butt.' "Ok, next" I said, pointing at Kantaru.

"My name is Kantaru. I am 14. I have a funny personality and live on my own. I was an orphan and I have no clue who my parents where. I have no companion, but would love to have a ninja horse." He smiled at me goofily and I smiled back." That's about it."

"Ok," sensei began, "You all pass."

"What do you mean" I asked.

"I mean, if none of you have opened up like you did, you would have been sent to the academy." Sensei told us calmly.

No one answered.

"Ok, let's meet here tomorrow at 9:30 AM." Sensei ordered. We all nodded and went our separate ways.

The Next Day Was Hell…Or Worse.


	2. Chapter 2

Me: HAHAHAHAH! Sophia Is Back!

Sophia: We have had two reviews...why come back?

Me: SO that you can drink more coffee!

Sophia:.........YAY!!!!!!

Me: i knew she would say that.

Sophia: Hey, at least i KNOW how to work facebook

Me:......shut up!

Sophia: she doesn't own anything but me and the plot.

* * *

I ran down the street, already late to me meeting with sensei and the others. I have had 15 cups of quadruple caffinated coffee, so you could only immagine the speed i was running at.

I was going to take a tight turn, and knew i should have mostlikely slowed down, but instead i took out gubba and sawed everything out of my way. "I love you chainsaw!" i yelled as i turned in the direction sensei and the others were in.

"OH GOD SHE HAS A CHAINSAW! DUCK FOR COVER!" sensei yelled but it was too late. I ran right into sensei, but luckily i had already shut off Gubba.

"......what are you DOING!?" sensei screached. I stood there bouncing up and down and not thinking straight at all.

"I and REALLY hyper...hey a squerrel! OOOOOH!!! A TREE! i love you tree!" i hugged the tree as the three of them looked at me as if i had ADD or something.

**(Please not i do NOT have anything against people with ADD)**

"what?" the three of them just shook their head as they walked away. "Hey, wait up!"....they ran off down the street

* * *

I am SOOO sorry for such a short chapter! but in order for me to write this correctly i have to have had coffee, which i did not because it is NOT a pretty site. let's just say i get 100x worse than sophia is with coffe just with one sip of DECAF! lol

i will write soon.

luv ya guys!

please review and tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Me: Thanks to Midnight Mel for the loyalty to my story! ^_^ if you have any ideas how to make this story any better please review to let me know. You are awesome! I dedicate this chapter to Midnight Mel

Sophia: Thankyou! please tell me you had coffee so that this chapter will actually be funny!

Me: i had coffee but it had only a slight effect. luckily i am in a writing mood!

Sophia: On With The Story! She Owns Me And The Plot And NOTHING ELSE!

(Gubba is the chainsaw and Bubba is the butcher's knife.)

* * *

I could not contain my crazyness as we started today's mission. We had to clean out someone's house. On the way there, i chainsawed through everything rather than going around them. if only Iruka could see me now.

The house we had to clean belonged to an old lady. Oh how interesting! Not! All i needed was to clean up after someone else. I was then glad I had my 15 cups of coffee.

"Hey Sophia?" asked Kantaru. "yes?" i asked as i poped up behind him, making him jump ten feet and fall head first into the bucket of dirty water we had used to wash the foors. "OMG! i am SO sorry. here take my hand and i'll pull you out!" I said as fast as words would allow, which was really fast.

"I am fine." he assured as her dried himself with wind that came from no where. I stared at him and he winked at me, which most likely meant he would tell me later.

"You were going to ask me something?" i asked. Felling myself calm down a bit.

"Are you going to the dance tonight?" he asked. I had completely forgotten about that dance, and it sounded like fun.

"Yeah, i guess." I said smiling like an idiot.

"The would you go with me?" the question shocked me and i actually stopped hopping up and down.

"Sure Kantaru!" I yelled and then glomped him in a massive hug.

He laughed and hugged me back, and i swear i heard sensei gag, which made us laugh even harder.

---------------------------------------------

That day when i got home, i decided i wanted to be normal and calm for the coming evening with Kantaru. I did what i always do to calm down, I had a cup of Gatorade. That always calms me right down to normal standards.

Once i was calm for the first time all day, I went into my room to pick out something to wear.

All my clothes was stored in a walk in wall to wall closet. I went to the rack with the dresses and decided on the navy-blue prom-like dress with the Uchiha symbol on the back.

I took my hair out of the usual pony tail and let it fall in long dark curls to the small of my back.

Instead of tieing my headband around my head, I tied it around my neck; not too tight yet not too loose.

The dance was for Genin only, a celebration of becoming an official ninja. Everyone was going that i knew of.

At about 6:30 i heard a knock on my door. i grabbed my keys and answered the door.

Kantaru stood there in a casual tux that made him look like a male model, but MUCH hotter.

His bangs went down to his lips, but he had gotten them to part at his eyes.

"KANTARU!" i yelled as i glomped him.

"Hi. You seem, calm!" he smiled.

"Yeah, i had Gatorade. It somehow makes me calmer."

"Well then, let's go. I hear there will be karoke." He laughed at me horrified expression.

"Don't worry." he took my keys in one hand and put it in his pocket like a gentle men in ored to free my hand to hold it as we walked the short distance to the building used for events like this.

"Hey, were is Gubba and Bubba?" he asked, noticing the absance of my beloved tools.

"I left them at home. It is inappropriate to bring them to an event like this."

He smiled warmly at me. "I Agree."

When we got there everyone else was already there. Sasuke was slouched in a chair and looked like someone dragged him there against his will. I giggled at the thought.

For about a half hour Kantaru and I walked around to talk to people we knew. Everyone was shocked at my appearence and shot jelous glances at Kantaru, which made me feel very beautiful.

"Hey, maybe you should sing karaoke?" Kantaru suggested.

Suddenly the idea seemed very appealing to me. I walked up onto the small stage/podium and took the mic in my hands as i searched for a song. I settled for 3 songs from Hey Monday.

The First song was called Homecoming. As the music started everyone stopped to stare and listen.

_"Homecoming, I'm coming  
My sweet mistake  
Summer's over, hope it's not too late  
I'm pacing, impatient  
Up in my head  
Taken back to the sidewalk where we met_

And carved out our names  
Do you remember that?

I'm coming home, I'm coming home  
Did you take off while I was gone?  
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you  
I'm coming home, I wanna know  
When all the leaves begin to fall  
If I'm falling, falling apart for you

Descending, I'm spinning  
Lost all defense  
How could you swallow me again?  
I left you, I meant to  
Couldn't let you in  
Never mind a single word I said

Carve out your name  
Do you remember that?

I'm coming home, I'm coming home  
Did you take off while I was gone?  
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.  
I'm coming home, I wanna know  
When all the leaves begin to fall  
If I'm falling, falling apart

You've got control of me  
Is this the end of me?  
'Cause I just can't cut up the strings  
I'm coming back for more  
Don't let your heart go  
Please don't walk away

Homecoming, I'm coming, I'm coming back

I'm coming home, I'm coming home  
Did you take off while I was gone?  
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you  
I'm coming home, I wanna know  
When all the leaves begin to fall  
If I'm falling, falling apart  
I'm coming home, I'm coming home  
Did you take off while I was gone?  
I missed it all, I messed you up, I missed you.  
I'm coming home, I wanna know  
When all the leaves begin to fall  
If I'm falling, falling apart"

The song ended and everyone cheered and clapped. The next song, titled Run, Don't Walk.

_"I am restless, and I keep trembling  
Everyone watch me as I descend  
Into a feeling that's overwhelming me  
I finally stopped, stopped making sense_

I can't stop talking to myself  
I'm a desperate cry for help.

Run, don't walk  
The sky is falling through  
Don't talk tonight  
I'm so confused  
I'm lost, I'm lost with you.  
I don't care where we are  
Or where we're headed to  
But I know I'm lost, I'm lost with you.  
With you.

Your mouth keeps moving  
But I've lost focus now  
Clock keeps ticking, time's running out  
Where we're headed, there's no heading back  
Tripping ugly, I'm losing ground

I can't stop talking to myself  
I'm a desperate cry for help.

Run, don't walk  
The sky is falling through  
Don't talk tonight  
I'm so confused  
I'm lost, I'm lost with you.  
I don't care where we are  
Or where we're headed to  
But I know I'm lost, I'm lost with you.  
With you.

For the record  
When I'm with you  
Things are looking better, for once  
Everything is brighter, than the darkness  
Before you.

Run, don't walk  
The sky is falling through  
Don't talk tonight  
I'm so confused  
I'm lost, I'm lost with you.

Run, don't walk  
The sky is falling through  
Don't talk tonight  
I'm so confused  
I'm lost, I'm lost with you.  
I don't care where we are  
Or where we're headed to  
But I know I'm lost, I'm lost with you."

I got the same response i did from the first song, and everyone whistled encouragement when the last song called Arizona stared.

_"It took two days, for me to figure out  
This isn't working out, but I lost my way  
I drove all night, just to be with you  
But you weren't worth that you, I gotta hit the breaks  
Now you know, get up and go._

Arizona, Arizona  
A car wreck on the highway  
Now you're burning by the side of the road  
Arizona, Arizona  
Theres a million miles to Florida  
Now your history, I'm stranded  
Get me out, I'm going home

Deep in your soul, lies a lonely heart  
That only ever comes, for you alone  
And i cant relate, so i gotta leave you here  
I can breathe without you dear, just start walking away  
Now you know, get up and go.

Arizona, Arizona  
A car wreck on the highway  
Now you're burning by the side of the road  
Arizona, Arizona  
Theres a million miles to Florida  
Now your history, I'm stranded  
Get me out, I'm going home.

Tell me how does that feel  
With the Grand Canyon  
Screaming at you  
Tell me how does that feel  
To see me when you go by

It took two days, for me to figure out  
This isnt working out  
I gotta hit the breaks

Arizona, Arizona  
A car wreck on the highway  
Now you're burning by the side of the road  
Arizona, Arizona  
Theres a million miles to Florida  
Now your history, I'm stranded  
Get me out, I'm going home

_Arizona, Arizona  
A car wreck on the highway  
Now you're burning by the side of the road  
Arizona, Arizona  
Theres a million miles to Florida  
Now your history, I'm stranded  
Get me out, I'm going home"_

The crown officially loved me, and i felt as though nothing could go wrong. Unfortunaly tommorow meant more missions.


	4. Chapter 4

I was reluctant to wake up the next morning. Yesterday had been so nice that I did not want to go any further than that day, but unfortunately, life did not work like that. I forced myself out of bed with the thought of seeing Kantaru again. My heart fluttered in its chest.

I started my day with my usual ten cups of coffee.

I approached my team not even twenty minutes later, and I saw them mentally shutter at my appearance. I looked normal, but my aura screamed _"Run for your life she's sugar high!"_

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I ran up to them and glomped Kantaru.

_"HI KANTARU!!! How are you? You seem fine! I am just fine and Dandy Myself! Wanna Know How Much Coffee I Had? Huh? Huh? HUH??? I HAD TEN! TEN CUPS OF COFFEE HAAHAHAHH!"_

Kantaru laughed as I said this in a matter of only seven seconds.

Damion and Kaiga-Sensei looked ready to commit suicide as we walked down the street towards the mission building thingamajig. Kantaru just smiled listening to every ridiculous thing I said.

We walked up the steps to the mission building and into the assignment room. Lord Hokage was sitting in the center of the table and iruka sensei, mizuki sensei, and some other ugly guys were on the sides of him.

_"So! What's our mission ya coot?!"_ I asked the Hokage, whose expression became priceless when I said that.

_"Sophia! Be respectful!"_ yelled iruka sensei.

_"Yeah right! Hhahahaha!"_

Everyone mentally face-palmed at my antics.

_"Sophia, can't you be serious for ONE day?"_ asked Kaiga-sensei as he placed his hand on my shoulder to stop my constant bouncing. The people at the table looked scared for their lives.

_"That's right! Cower! Cower at my super special awesome HYPERNESS OF DOOOM! MWAHAHAHAH!"_

"_ENOUGH! Untill she calms down, no missions for your team." _Lord Hokage's voice stopped an argument between Kantaru and Damion, but what he said caused them to glare at me.

Everyone left the building mad at me. I tried talking but they all snubbed me. This could possibly have ruined what I had with Kantaru. For what? Coffee? I can live without coffee, right? Last night I did and it was the most fun day of my life.

No one noticed when I started crying.

No one noticed when I left.

No one noticed anything anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

I went straight home.

No one noticed

No one cared

They never would

I was alone and most likely would be forever.

I went into my living room and sat down. I don't know how long I was there, but I finally realized I had zoned out when it was three in the morning. The effects of the coffee had worn off and I decided to go to bed. I collapsed in the clothes I was already wearing and cried myself to sleep. It started pouring outside.

I was vaguely aware of a knocking at my door, but I ignored it. No one wanted to see me. They didn't care when I started crying or when I left, so why should I care about them.

They were mad and snubbed me like a stranger they had just met. They are my teammates but they sure were not acting like it.

I stayed in bed all day, thinking and falling in and out of sleep. I heard knocking every three to four hours, but every time I ignored it.

I guess they got tired of knocking because when I opened my eyes Kantaru and Damion were knocking at my window. I didn't even look at them as I shut my blind and went back to sleep

.

This was a daily routine for about a week before someone finally took action. Kaiga sensei knocked down my door and came storming in with Damion and Kantaru.

"_Wake Up. You've been doing this for a week and we're tired of it."_

No response

"_Are you going to keep acting like your three? You're a ninja now! Act like one and GET UP!"_

Still no response

"_Are you listening to me?"_

Still nothing

This was when I finally realized that I was watching this like a third person view, instead of from my body. I freaked.

"_Sophie!" _sensei started to shake me but there was no response.

"_Let's get her to the hospital!"_

They picked up my body and ran to the hospital. About half way there my vision went black.

**NO POV**

Kantaru, Kaiga, And Damion rushed Sophia's body to the ER.

The doctors took a look at her immediately.

A nurse came out to the waiting room.

"_She went into shock. Something had to have happened that caused her body to break down. Did anything happen that would upset her in any way? This usually happens when there was a tragedy in the past that caused the same thing to happen."_

They all knew the answer to that one.

The death of her family was step one, but then the way they treated her caused her to feel even worse and go back into shock.

"_Um, yeah we think we know what happened."_ Kantaru said mindlessly and the three of them tried to grasp what she said.

"_I just want to let you know that she may not wake up. After what happened to her family this might have just been too much for her."_

And with that, the medic ninja walked away without a second glance in their direction.

The three of them looked at each other.

"_So, who's going to tell Sasuke?"_


	6. Chapter 6

Damien walked down the streets of Konoha in search of Sasuke. 'Why do I always get stuck with the dirty work?' he wondered as he zoned out while walking.

Before he knew it he walked right into someone.

"Watch where your going, stupid!" sasuke complained. "Hey! I was looking for you! Sophia is in the hospital!"

Sasuke didn't know weather to feel worried or indifferent.

"How bad is it?" He asked, trying to make his voice sound un-changed.

"Pretty Bad."

* * *

"Not even a month after graduating from the academy and your already hospitalized." sasuke snickered as he walked into Sophie's

hospital room. She was already awake, meaning she would be fine.

"What happened?"

"You went into shock."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence before he left.

* * *

I was stuck in the hospital for a week before being released.

I didn't see sasuke or any of his team around the village, meaning they must have gone off on a mission.

They got to have all the fun while i sat at home drinking coffee and training.

Speaking of which....

.

"HAHAHAHAHHA! I had FIFTEEN CUPS OF COFFEE THIS MORNING!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Sophia, calm down." sensei tried to calm me down but it was futile!

And it was too late.

BOOM  
I ran right into a tree.

i fell to the ground.

"S-Sophia!" They all looked mortified.

"What?"

"Your eyes! You have the Sharingan!!!" They all yelled in unison.

"Wha!?!?"

My eyes grew sparkly. "YEAH!" I yelled jumping up and down.

We all laughed in celebration and they each hugged me before throwing me in the air and congratulating me.

At that moment i knew Mom and Dad were smiling down at me. Proud of my accomplishment.

A Hawk circled up above and squawked before flying away.

"We've been summoned." sensei announced before leading us off to the Hokage's office.

"Team fifteen. You are to go to the land of Mist to assist team seven on their mission. Let me warn you know that this is an A rank mission. Your going up against some really high ranked ninja."

"Yes sir." and we were off.

Finally we had some excitement.

"We need to protect the bridge maker. No matter what that is our mission."

"Right." we agreed, although i am sure we'd rather save our comrades than some old dude, but there was nothing we could do.

We set off towards the land of waves, hoping that everyone would be okay when we got there.

We hoped, but we knew the chances were slim.

* * *


End file.
